Soldier Song

by Casimira Vadrozsa

I’ve seen you in your empty room
A soldier bent against the gloom
Seeking some old semblance of order

Just like that time beneath the rain
Your hand is shaking with old pain
Your heart resumes it worn-out role as warder

You don’t know if you can cross this border

Now you’re staring at your door
Wanting what you had before
What lies behind it priceless without measure

You begged for love just like a child
Your fantasies have all run wild
Imagining a life filled with such treasure

But the pain always returns to tarnish pleasure

Your shaking hand, it grabs the knob
And softly you begin to sob
The faces you remember are all strangers

Though you’d seek the safety of new beds
The past it rattles in your head
You know that you can’t face the nameless dangers

You welcome solitude just like a ranger

Betrayed again by your own hand
Your knees become too weak to stand
You cry for mercy knowing it’s too late

You reach to turn the lock instead
Retreating to your empty bed
Your shoulders bent under the bitter weight

As you’re swallowed by the silence of your fate

I see you still in your dark room
A broken soldier in the gloom
You never found your bright and perfect order

It’s like that time beneath the rain
You’ll never see that face again
Your heart never escaped from its bleak quarter

No, you chose to turn back at that final border

And tonight the wind will blow as you grow colder