Cast of Characters:

EVIL GUARD
STAGEHAND
DWARVEN FAIRY
LLORIENZEL
PALADIN
HALFLING
GNOME

The Evil Guard grumbles in the shadows.

​The Evil Guard says:

I’ve been watching you and now I’ve caught you!

The Stagehand recites:

The sound of a heavy metal door being slammed shut rings through the air.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Sinuous S’kra Guard in Shard’s Great Tower
Kept fair Llorienzel locked up under his power
Furious she was, alone and untamed
With golden hair in twisting,
and twisting
Braided chains.

​Llorienzel shakes her fist at the Dwarven Fairy.

​The Dwarven Fairy straightens his wings and faces the audience, looking a bit miffed.

​Llorienzel says:

I’m not a silly pale-faced flower of a goddess, you lack wit of a Dwarven fairy! Now hush while I concoct a plan to break out of this tower.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Round and round she paced the tower
Heedless of the S’kra guard’s glower

​The Evil Guard mutters and mumbles from the shadows.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Freeing her hair in a tumble of glory
She threw it out of the fortieth story.
In hopes that a suitor would come to pass
Drawn in by the spun gold mass.

​Llorienzel coyly says:

Well I might as well take advantage of the situation…

​Llorienzel gives the audience a big flirtatious wink.

​The Dwarven Fairy blushes, then faces the audience bashfully.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
And a noble young paladin came clanking in
Full of virtue and free from sin
And once he caught sight of her locks of gold
His place in this story began to unfold.

​A paladin comes clanking in and gazes up towards the window of the Great Tower.

​The Paladin grasps Llorienzel’s hair, and, with a manly grin, leaps in dazzling heroic fashion to grab hold of her hair with his other hand, preparing to pull himself up towards the open window.

​Llorienzel, screams loudly and shrilly.

​The Evil Guard enters the chamber.

​The Evil Guard grumpily asks:

What in the name of Hav’roth is going on here?

​Llorienzel wipes the tears streaming down her face.

Llorienzel says:

I was drying my hair and I noticed a gray strand!

​The Evil Guard mutters something about women.

​The Evil Guard leaves the chamber.

​Llorienzel casually observes the area.

​Llorienzel appears to be listening intently for something.

​Llorienzel says:

You stupid idiot! Do you know how many years of my life I’ve had to spend in the Leth beauty salon to grow this? Who in Elanthia would climb up a woman’s hair in full plate?! Let go you dumb oaf!

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
The Paladin tried to let go of her hair
With a shriek and howl, she shot him a glare
But strands were caught in the joints of his glove
And she threw curses at him from up above

​The Paladin, flustered, frees his hand with a great yank and rides off without a backward glance.

​Llorienzel mutters about walking tin cans with field goblin parents.

​The Dwarven Fairy, hums to himself, giving his wings a quick flap before his next cue.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
A lively young halfling came jouncing in
With eyes alight and mouth agrin
Traveling from Arthe for Liani’s Sweet Tarts
Our Tale continues, and his turn in it starts

​Llorienzel catches sight of the latest traveler and gives her stream of golden hair a teasing shake.

​The Halfling gasps.

​The Halfling makes an odd noise like he just inhaled a tart.

​The Halfling says:

Is it…could it be…it’s the magical ale waterfall my grandpappy used to tell me about!

The Halfling bounces toward the golden cascade, smiling deliriously, and attempts to drink a big mouthful of the golden stream of hair.

​The Halfling gags horribly and gasps for air!

​The Halfling shouts:

Ahhh! This is flagrant false advertising!

​Llorienzel feels an odd tugging sensation upon her scalp and squints down towards the ground below.

​Llorienze asks:

What in the name of Asketi is fate sending me this time?

​The Halfling says:

You shoe dependent, tart ignorant shrew! I nearly choked on your hair!

​Llorienzel angriliy says:

You furry-footed hooligan! You pack that pipe with samatak ‘stead of tobacco or somethin?

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
The halfling ranted and raged, and pummeled the tower
Llorienzel, still trapped, glared down, looking sour.
With one last jab, he finished with a scoff,
With one last sneer, the Halfling jounced off

The Dwarven Fairy says:

Now a word of advice to all you young men. Damsels in distress? Avoid them!

​Llorienzel curtly says:

What’re you blubbering about now, you confounded scene-stealer?

​The Dwarven Fairy glances down at the ground, his gossamer wings quivering a bit from the memory.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
My trite rhyming plight was caused by one
When in my youth I chased ladies for fun
In a botched attempt, she sealed my fate
For a witch had conjured a fair damsel as bait

The feminist cast on me one horrid curse
Henceforth to always speak in tritely rhymed verse!

​Llorienzel grumpily says:

Can we get the spotlight back on me, please?

​The Dwarven Fairy tosses his thick beard behind one wing and again faces the audience.

​The Stagehand recites:

A Gnome followed by a cart comes across the Great Tower.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
A balding gnome entered, pushing a cart
Caught sight of the tower, and stopped with a start
He peered up at our lady, rubbing his chin
And our final episode, we now shall begin.

​The Dwarven Fairy bows grandly to the audience.

​The Gnome blinks at the long length of golden hair.

​The Gnome says: My word. That’s a lotta hair.

​Gnome greedily says:

What a fine lot of static electricity that length of hair could produce.

​The Gnome shouts:

Lady! You aren’t by any chance willing to let me experiment with your hair are you?

​Llorienzel glances suspiciously at the gnome.

Llorienzel asks:

My hair?

​Llorienzel mutters into the air about what happened to all the dashing men Elanthia supposedly has to offer?

​The Gnome nods enthusiastically.

​The Gnome says:

Could make good quality silken rope outta that length, I think.

​The Gnome rubs his chin, pensively.

​The Gnome says:

Might be just what I need.

​Llorienzel asks:

You want to do WHAT with my hair?! Make my beautiful golden hair into an ordinary rope?

​Llorienzel shouts:

You’ve been thrown by Togs one time too many!

​The Gnome says:

Well fine then! I guess I’ll be off on my way.

​Llorienzel says:

No! Wait!

​The Evil Guard enters Llorienzel’s chamber.

​The Evil Guard mutters under his breath as he drops a plateful of rancid food at Llorienzel’s feet.

​The Evil Guard exits the chamber.

Llorienzel sticks her head out of the tower window and yells out to the Gnome.

Llorienzel shouts:

Wait! Come back! I wasn’t finished!

​Llorienzel says:

I’ll trade my gold ring for your help!

​The Gnome turns back and looks at her.

​The Gnome says:

I gots gold.

​Llorienzel asks:

My anklet? Made of various metals melded together?

​Gnome: No need. I’m tryin’ to make inventions that I can carry, remember?

​The Gnome collapses under his burden, as if to demonstrate a point.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
We can’t have a gnome without an encumbrance joke,
So please bear with us all you kind audience folk

​Llorienzel says:

Fine! Fine! You win! I’ll offer you a lock of my hair.

​The Gnome says:

Well…it would be an interesting addition to my electricity machine. If we found a better source of electricity than those pesky warmies think of all the neat inventions we could make to run on it!

​The Gnome says:

Yes! I’ll take your offer! I’ll help you for one long of your amazing hair.

​Llorienzel mumbles under her breath, “I hope this kook can help me bust out of this infernal tower.”

​The Gnome starts rummaging through his wagon and all sorts of loud clanking sounds then ensue.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
The Gnome carved an arrow with a rope at its tail
To shoot through the window–His plan couldn’t fail!
Fair Llorienzel climbed out the window and then found
That her hair was stuck when she got to the ground.

​Llorienzel lets out a piercing scream that would have made any bard proud.

​Llorienzel: My hair! It’s stuck!

​The Gnome helpfully says:

Just yank it free Llori!

​Llorienzel says:

Why you impertinent gnome! My name is Llorienzel, and I certainly don’t know you well enough for you to take liberties with me! And what do you mean yank it free?!

​The Gnome mutters something about women and finally clambers up the rope and frees Llorienzel’s hair.

​The Evil Guard enters the room after hearing the screaming and sees the tower room free of Llorienzel and one bald-headed gnome on the windowsill.

​Evil Guard shouts:

Not on my watch, you don’t!

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
With a grunt and a hiss, he showed off his power
And dropkicked that poor gnome right out of the tower.

​The Gnome shrieks as he flies out of the tower and lands in his wagon.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Into the wagon, the Gnome did flailingly fall
And crunch went his treasures, broken all.

​Llorienzel frantically grabs the gnome’s hand and his wagon as they beat a hasty retreat.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Quickly they ran out the West Gate of Shard and into the woods
And then the gnome collapsed, sobbing over his broken goods.

​The Gnome wails and sobs.

​The Gnome says:

My inventions! My life’s work! All gone!

​Llorienzel blinks.

​Llorienzel says:

But..but.. you still have the pleasure of my company.

​Llorienzel preens.

​The Gnome sighs, resting his head against a stump.

​The Gnome hopelessly says:

It’s all gone. It’s all gone.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Now Llorienzel’s selfish heart did wince,
For she felt terrible for her poor prince
He paid a heavy price for his rescuing of her
And a kind thought in her mind there did hover

​Llorienzel glances at the weeping gnome, flicking her eyes down toward the ground.

​Llorienzel says:

I know places and people, who’ve got some odd trinkets that might fix your machines.

Llorienzel says:

I…I could show them to you.

​The Gnome stops weeping and gazes up at her with hope in his eyes.

The Gnome sniffles.

​The Gnome asks:

Rea..Really?

​Llorienzel proffers her hand to the gnome and helps him to his feet.

Llorienzel solemnly says:

Really.

​The Dwarven fairy gestures subtly and an orchestra starts to play.

​The Dwarven Fairy recites:
Soft lilting music began to emanate
When our two heroes were joined by fate
And Llorienzel and her Gnomic prince
Have adventured happily, ever since.